Image by mrlerone

1. Listen to sad & downbeat music. Music has a profound affect on mood. So if you’re looking for a sure-fire way to feel grumpy put on some sorrowful or angry tunes.

2. Drink a glass of wine. Or a bottle of vodka. Most drugs & alcohol are mood amplifiers & will enhance whatever your feeling at the time. Drinking heavily or taking drugs when you’re feeling down will only make things worse. Bonus points for drinking alone.

3. Pick a fight with someone you care about. Be a completely selfish diva & yell & call them names. Not only will you feel really guilty, but you will also have no one to talk to either.

4. Drink soft drink or eat lots of sugar. Sugar provides a temporary high. But after your body has processed all that glucose you’ll be left will sugar withdrawal & feeling lethargic & depressed.

5. Think nasty thoughts about everyone. The people on the bus, the chick at the checkout & that guy who’s walking in front of you taking up all the room on the footpath. Selfish bastard. Spread your negative vibes!

6. Watch the news. The nightly news is full of conflict, violence & horror & it’s all real. If you want to feel bad in no time then immerse yourself in stories about people at their worst.

7. Stay at home. Don’t go out & don’t talk to anyone. Even the most hardcore introverts will eventually become lonely if left by themselves for too long. Follow their example. Black out your windows.

8. Frown lots. Also, don’t forget to be rude & inconsiderate. Like attracts like, so you’re bound to bump into other grumpy people this way.

9. Read depressing stories & poetry. Shakespeare’s tragedies are a good place to start (Othello, Hamlet etc) East of Eden & The Bell Jar are two other contenders.

10. Likewise, watch gloomy films. A Scanner Darkly, The Grave of the Fireflies or just about any film about the Second World War are three that come to mind. Watch them alone.

11. Eat unhealthy food. You’ll feel really sluggish & guilty for treating your body like crap.

12. Remember every horrible thing ever said to you. All the insults & hurtful things that people have said to you over the years. Believe each one. Give those other people power over you.

13. Bottle it up. Refuse to cry & instead bury all your emotions. Then you will be resentful & even passive aggressive to those around you.

14. Wear lots of black. Don it with a sombre significance as if you are in mourning.

15. Quit smoking & drinking caffeine cold turkey & without any help or support. Watch as you grow more anxious & moody. If you do thins right you’ll go back to smoking or drinking coffee pretty quickly & then hate yourself for it.

Image by danske

Alternatively, you could realise that happiness is decision that you have to make on your own. Life is a matter of perspective & you can make the choice to be happy. Read 15 ways to lift your mood & feel awesome! & congratulate yourself on a job well done. Because you’re awesome & you know it!

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